We Should've Known Right Then and There

One afternoon, when my firstborn son was four, he climbed up onto my lap for some cuddle time. He was silent for a long time and I wondered what little thoughts were floating around in his head.

Is he thinking about the dinosaur book we'd just read? Maybe he's wondering what kind of snack he'd like? I bet he's wondering where his favorite plastic pony is....

Suddenly he took a deep breath and looked at me,
"Mommy, if I would've been born god, would you have named me Benjamin David God?"

A Kiss From Little Barrett

We used to start every single day cuddling together. Barrett would stumble out of his room, flashlight in hand, (to scare away any bad guys) find me, and we'd snuggle together until we both "woke up".
Lately that hasn't happened as often. I guess at 6 years old, he thinks he is getting a little too old to sit in my lap and cuddle. I've missed our mornings together. He is, after all, my last baby!
I was so happy this morning when he did want to snuggle with me. My smallest boy stumbled from his room, the flashlight sending rays bouncing everwhere. He crawled up into my lap and sleepily, but very sweetly, kissed my cheek and sighed.
"Mommy? Isn't it amazing that God taught us how to kiss?"
My heart is still in a puddle somewhere in the recesses of my chest.

A New Elephant

Whew! We just had a minor scare. Alec decided to brave the thunder and lightning after school today and walk to a nearby lake to look for snakes, or turtles or whatever else is out there that might be stinky or slimy. Boys. ( He came home thrilled because he'd found a crawdad claw. Boys.)
Anyway-while he was gone Barrett and I were here alone at the house. I was in the kitchen making some quiche for dinner and the oven was preheating. I heard a funny noise and turned to see a fire in the oven! I grabbed the baking soda and kept dumping more and more on the fire but to no avail. (Don't you love how you can use words in your posts, like "avail", that you wouldn't use in an actual conversation?)
I noticed that it was actually just the heating element that was on fire and it was starting to throw sparks. I called my husband on the phone and he told me to try the breaker switch. So, I went out to the garage and tried throwing all the breakers. I couldn't find the one that connects to the oven. Figures. I was a little nervous by now because the fire was working its way along the element and I had no idea what it would do when it go to the end; however, I knew I was being watched by Barrett and I didn't want him to see me panic. No matter. By the time I came back into the house he was running around sobbing. "Our house is going to burn down. I don't want our house to burn down!" I couldn't comfort him because I was trying to keep the house from burning down.
My husband had told me my other option was to unplug the oven. Do you know where the plug is?! Near the floor behind the oven. Whoever designed this house obviously hadn't had the foresight to see that oven elements might catch on fire and the oven just may need to be unplugged by a wimpy woman. Nope-they had to put the outlet waaaaayyy down near the floor so the whole, hot, sparky oven has to be moved in order to keep the house from burning down.
I finally jerked and walked the thing far enough away from the wall so that it could be unplugged and, voila. The sparks started stopping and the fire stopped starting.
Then it was time to comfort The Bear. We cuddled and talked for a bit. I explained that we wouldn't need to buy a whole new oven, just a new heating element, and then I asked him if he'd like a shower. (He'd followed me out to the breaker box, sobbing, in his bare feet and our garage floor is nothing if it's not dirty.)
While he was in the shower Alec came home. I told him he's never allowed to leave me again and then told him why. I also mentioned that his little brother had been quite upset and nearly hysterical about our oven fire.
Alec went over to the bathroom door and asked, "Barrett, are you OK now?"
"Yes, but there was a fire in the oven and now we'll have to get a new elephant!"

Ha Ha. Veerrrry Funny

The other day, after I'd visited Big Doofus's blog, (his post from March 27th where he talks about Todd Wilson and Familyman Ministries), I thought it might be an encouragement to my husband if I put his name on the Familyman Ministries mailing list. After all, we have been doing this home schooling thing for a lot of years and I thought maybe Mike could use a "shot in the arm" now and then.
So, last night after Mike came home from work, I told him about Familyman Ministries and that I'd put his name on their mailing list.
From somewhere in the house our oldest son, (who is a business major) pipes up: "I love it!"
I turned my head to see him grinning at me.
"She's outsourced her nagging now!"

Barrett Again & Again

I'm here alone this morning with our 6yr. old little guy. I'm frantically trying to finish a baby gift for my niece-She just had her first baby 2 days ago and I need to get the gift in the mail! In my desperation to be "left alone" so I can sew, I decided to use The Plug In Drug. Barrett is watching an "educational video" about sea otters. The narrator just explained that sometimes the sea otters come to shore to rest and soak up some sun while nearby there are 10 story ice cliffs. I'm only half-way paying attention to Barrett and the TV when suddenly something Barrett says catches my attention.
"10 story ice cliffs. That's only 10 little books. That's not very big at all!"



Then there was last weekend. We were out running some errands when we drove past a car wash. Mike and I were talking about who-knows-what when we hear a little voice from the back seat:
"24 hour car wash?! I would never take my car there to get it cleaned! It would take tooooo long. You'd be there at night too when it was dark out! I'd just drive my car through really fast and then drive away with it all wet!!"

Baby Einstein

I'm not at all sure what he was thinking....they were deep and heavy thoughts for a 6 year old little boy.
This afternoon Barrett, (our 6 year old), myself, and my husband were out running a few errands. Barrett and I decided to sit in the car and wait for daddy during one stop. I was daydreaming, probably about climbing Mt. Everest, when Barrett stopped my climb dead in its tracks.
"Mommy, what would happen to me if you and daddy and my brothers all died?"
Whoa, that took me off guard.
"Well, sweetie, you'd go live with Joey and Nancy in Oregon."
Barrett looked puzzled, so I went on to explain that Joey is his cousin and Nancy is his wife. They have 3 children close to Barrett's age. I told him they would love him and raise him like he was one of their kids. He would have 2 new brothers and a sister to play with. I went on and told him they love Jesus very much and would take him to church and teach him all about Jesus.
"But mommy, how would they find me? How would they know you were dead?"
Now there's a good question. How would they find out? Where would Barrett be when we died?
Who would take care of him until Joe could get here? I was over tired and my sleepy brain rushed all over the place, imagining several scenarios, not to mention thinking this is an extremely odd conversation to be having with someone who only left the world of diapers and nursing 3 years ago.
Once again he interrupted my musings. "Mommy, when we get home would you show me where their phone number is?"
"Yes, I can do that..."
"I'd have to bring a lot of stuff to their house wouldn't I?"
"Well, yes you would. What would you like to take with you?"
Deep in my heart I was bleeding for my little Worrier. I can't leave you yet. What would you do without your mommy to comfort you? I need you. I'm not ready to leave you.
My thoughts went on as I stared at his sweet little face. Would he like Oregon? Would he even remember Indiana? How long would it be before Nancy was "Mommy" and he'd forget I was the one who had given him birth? Maybe he'd want to take all the scrapbooks I've made with him so he could remember his family. Would he want to take one of my blouses as a "blankie" to cuddle with?
No. Instead he took me off guard one final time, this time with his usual logic.
"I would have to take all my workbooks for school, Mommy."

The Wisdom of the Aged

Tonight I sighed as I finished cleaning the kitchen.
Mike looked at me, concern in his eyes. "What's the matter?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

"Why?"

"I don't want to."

"Why don't you want to tell me?"

"I just don't want to."

From the couch, where he's been wallowing in snotty sickness for 2 days, our almost 16 year old enters the conversation. The following is the speech he gave his parents, explaining what a man goes through when he hears his wife sigh.

When a man hears a woman sigh, and he asks her, 'What's the matter?" and she says "Nothing." he immediately thinks, "Oh my goodness. Have I failed to compliment her on something or did I forget an important date? Does she really expect me to know why is she sighing even though I don't know? Is this going to lead to a huge fight about something she really expects me to know and I really don't know? Will this lead to me sleeping on the couch tonight?"
He panics and divorce becomes a new possibility. All from that one lousy sigh.

So tell me. Do you think this is this true? Does all that really go through a man's mind when he hears his wife sigh?

It's Time For Someone Else To Take Over

I've discovered one of the reasons God gives us children. It's to keep us humble. Have you noticed that too?
Yesterday morning Barrett and I were having our usual cuddle time. He wanted to discuss "opposites".
"Mommy, the opposite of "north" is "south", right?"
"Yep. It sure is."
"And the opposite of "east" is "west", true?"
"True it is. And the opposite of "up" is "down", isn't it Barrett?"
"Yes!" He said excitedly. I could tell he was really enjoying our conversation and getting into it.
"Mom, the opposite of "in" is "out" and the opposite of "hot" is "cold", correct?"
"You're right Barrett! I'm so proud of you! You really understand opposites sweetie."
"Yes I do. The opposite of God is Jesus, isn't it Mommy." He said matter-of-factly.

A Little Child Won't Be Leading Us!

Last night as Barrett and I sat and read some books together, I asked him a question.
"Barrett, if Christmas is Jesus' birthday, how come we get the presents?"

"Hmmm. I don't know, Mommy."
He thought about it for a moment and then said,
"Maybe because He likes to watch us open presents!"

I was pleased with that answer. At least it showed that Barrett thinks God takes pleasure in our joy. My momma pride was short lived, however. As I was studying Barrett's sweet little face and thinking about his answer, he was busy thinking of another question.

"Mommy, do you think God worships us on our birthdays?"

passing from life into Life

(Thanks to Rachel, I changed the name of this post....)

Yesterday morning I woke up and just couldn't get out of bed. Barrett was cuddling with me. It was still dark outside. I was toasty warm. I was comfortable. My shoulder didn't ache. My knees didn't hurt. My back didn't ache. I felt good.
I started thinking about what a great way that would be to die. Just to lay there, warm, cozy, and comfortable, until I leave this body.
That cheerful thought led me to imagining my men/boys around me as I go. What would they really say and do if I were leaving this body?

(I can't imagine leaving Barrett yet, so I'm going to leave him out of this.)

Mike would quietly, patiently sit by my side, praying for me and our sons.

Benjamin would say, "Mom, quit crying. We'll be there soon. Dying is just a part of living. Get over it..." And then he'd pick up the latest book he's reading on philosophy, one that would be way over my head on a good day, read it out loud to my shriveling brain cells, and literally bore me to death.

James would sweetly hold my hand and tell me stories about his day.

Alec would come up with some wild, sarcastic comments like, "Gee mom. You don't look half bad for a woman who's half dead!" I'd start laughing and get well.

What I hope they would do is this:

I'd like Mike to sit and quietly read the bible out loud to me.

I'd like James and Mike to come and serenade my going with their gentle, soft guitar playing.

Benjamin should come and preach truth to me. Seriously. I need it.

Alec can come and just be himself. He makes me laugh and laughing would be the perfect way to go.

I also want Mike to kiss me sweetly on the lips. (Provided I don't have something contagious.)

On most days Benjamin and James kiss me on the head as they rush out the door. I love and treasure those kisses and I hope I get some on my head as I leave them for a change..

And of course, I want Alec's hugs. They nurture the mom in me.

After all that, I want them to set up a card table in the corner and play cards. I love, love, love to listen to my guys tease each other and banter, pick on each other, preach at each other, laugh at and with each other, and talk together.

Yep. That would be the way to go.

Help! It's Monday!

It's Monday. That's a very good reason to post something funny, isn't it? The start of another looonnnngggg week. I left this as a comment on another blog, but then decided to post it here too. Hope it gives you a little laugh as you start your week.
When our second son, James, was little, he couldn’t pronouce his “R’s”, so when he talked he sounded a lot like Elmer Fudd. The summer that he was 2 or 3 we attended a family reunion. One evening the entire family decided to go to Pizza Hut for dinner. Our son was seated at the end of the table in a high chair. Everyone was talking and laughing and ignoring the little guy when all of a sudden his voice bellows: “WHERE’S MY FORK AND KNIFE?!” Only it didn’t sound like that because of the “R” problem. It sounded like,“WHERE’S MY F****** KNIFE?!” Not only did our entire family stop and turn their heads, so did everyone else in the restaurant. I wanted to crawl under the table I was so embarrassed. Then suddenly the room burst into laughter. James is 19 now and is still to this day being teased about his "foul" mouth.

Death Procession and Pygmy Eating Cannibals

We went hiking today after church. At one point on our hike we were on a narrow ridge, looking down a loooooooong way-a tiny creek wandered its way through the woods below. My husband was holding our 6 year old son's hand; as they looked down at the water my husband said, "Look Barrett, that water is WAY down there, isn't it?"
No response.
"Well Barrett, you don't have any depth perception yet, so I bet it's hard for you to tell how far below us that water is."
"Um, yeah. What's death procession, Daddy?"

Then, on the way home we were discussing food. We were all starving. It was only natural, since I live with a bunch of Carnivores, that meat would come up:

Barrett: "I want bacon. That's pig meat, right momma?"

"Yes, that's pig meat."

"I've never had meat from Moody Meats, have I momma? Oh, yes I have. They sell bacon don't they momma? We've had bacon before. Does Moody Meats sell pig meat?"

OK-please keep this in mind: I've been the mother of boys and only boys for a very long time. Being gross just comes with the territory. So, here was my reply:

"Yes, Barrett. They sell Pygmies. But I know they don't sell Cannibals."

"What are Pygmies?"

"Well, Pygmies are short people who live in the jungle. They run around eating bananas and coconuts and stuff like that."

"What's a Cannibal, momma?"

Here is where I debated. Do I ruin his sweet innocence and tell him the truth? That there are people out there who actually EAT other people? Would that give him nightmares? Would he throw up in disgust? Should I just make up some weird answer? Tell him to go to sleep? After a 30 second debate within, I settled on the truth.

"Well sweetie, a cannibal is someone who eats another person."

To my surprise Barrett started chuckling.
"That would be funny!"

"What would be funny? Why on earth are you laughing Barrett?"

"It would be funny to see a big person running around the jungle eating little people!"