June 3, 2008

More Thoughts on Our Emptying Nest

Boxes are coming in, and items are disappearing off shelves and out of closets. One of our sons took his curtain and rod down this morning and those are gone. The room is starting to look "naked".
Junk is being sorted and pitched or saved or stored.
I can't stop crying. I'm the only mom I know who is losing 2 kids at once.
Sometimes our conversations are stilted or awkward-that's a new experience for us.
I hear things about our sons' lives from virtual strangers now. People that didn't change their diapers or teach them to read tell me what my sons did or where they went, who they were with or what's been going on in their lives. I feel like I've become the stranger. I'm trusting this is just a time of transition for the family....
We went to 4 high school graduation celebrations last weekend and I had the opportunity to talk to several people who have had kids leave the nest. Not one of them could look me in the eye and tell me they have stopped "hurting". The best they could promise me is that, "You get used to it."
I wish I were strong, mature, and brave, but I'm not. I hurt. I want to have a party for them and tell them I'm proud of them. That they are still my best friends and I love them and am so excited for them as they begin this new phase in life.
I want to tell them not to be afraid of my tears. They're just tears after all. They won't kill any of us. Women cry.
It seems like we should have a "Right of Passage" ceremony. Or? What on earth do modern societies do to mark Manhood?

Yesterday James, our second born son, and I were talking about this time of transition. I told him how much it hurts to see them leave and asked if he thought that meant I'd turned our family into an idol. (This is the second time we've had this conversation. I'm nothing if not a slow learner.)
Anyway-he said he thought there'd be anger at their leaving if they were idols. There wouldn't be sorrow. So then I asked him what am I if not their mother, and how on earth do I deal with all my emotions?
He said the following: (paraphrased because I can't remember what he said word for word.)
"Mom, we all have 2 callings. A primary calling and a secondary calling. Our primary calling is to glorify God and enjoy Him. Our secondary calling is what we "do"."

I have a feeling all my tears are not glorifying God, nor do they say, "Hey Lord, I enjoy You." So, yesterday that became my prayer. That I would enjoy Him and glorify Him through this time in our lives. Then this morning I read a great verse in Ecclesiastes. (Ecc. 5:20)
...For he will not dwell unduly on the days of his life, because God keeps him busy with the joy of his heart.
The notes in my bible say this about that verse:
When a person recognizes the goodness of God, he rejoices and does not dwell unduly on the troubles detailed in the previous context.

So, I've been doubly rebuked/challenged. Once by my son and once by my Father.
I would appreciate your prayers if you've read this far. I do need to focus on enjoying the Lord, glorifying Him and recognizing His goodness. The pity party has to go.

One good thing that's come from our sons moving out-I think I'm going to get a lot of blogging miles out of it.


  1. You are in my prayers Judy!!

  2. Isaac finds things to say that convict me... sometimes its helpful and other times its annoying!

  3. May you bare your soul and find healing, Judy!!! Enjoy your blogging 'miles'! I'm sure if King David had a computer, that's where he would have posted his Psalms!! I'm encouraged by your son's remarks. They are good words for me to hear!!!!

  4. Mom- just wanted to say I love you so very much. Thanks for being everything a son could ask for. Thanks to you and dad for showing us how to love God, how to love one another, how to love our wives (later on), how to love people we don't want to love, how to seek God always, how to have a good work ethic, how to share Christ's love, how to be patient, loving, caring, kind and generous. I could go on and on. I love you guys and miss you so very very much. I know all the women who read this comment are going to say things like "oh so sweet" and all that, but I read this and it made me cry. It really did. I know we drove eachother crazy while I was in highschool, but you are truly awesome mom! I'm going to try to come home for Saturday night and Sunday. I love you mom, and I never won't.


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