July 28, 2011

More Stuff I'm Stewing On

Way back in May of 2009 I wrote a post about some of the earth shattering questions I have about life. You know, things like,

-If hair is "dead matter", why is mine so moody?

Well, here it is 2 years later. I'm 50 now, and I'm still questioning things. I thought by the time I was 50 I would have all the answers. After all, I've been roaming the planet for half a century. Sadly, that is not the case. If anything, I have more questions now than I did when I was 15. Lately I've been wondering things like:

-What is a mother-in-law? What do my daughters-in-law need from me? Anything? Am I a friend? An observer? An example? (Now that's a scary thought. I think I'll think on that one some other time.) I was pondering this question back in May of '09 and I'm still wondering about it today.

-Who am I if not a mother/teacher? I only have 9 years left and our nest and school will be empty. When I think about that my heart feels overwhelmed with sorrow. I feel like Scarlett at the end of Gone With the Wind, "Rhett! Rhett! Where should I go? What should I do?" I'm praying I get a better answer than she did.

-What does one do with her time once her nest is empty? I thrive on challenges and need work to do. I need something hard to put Me into. Even now, with only one little boy around, and a tiny house to clean, I'm beginning to grow bored and restless. Life certainly has its challenges, but I'm thinking about the day to day living of it. The minutes ticking by. Not the challenges of making ends meet or other stresses that bulldoze their way in. Just the need for something constructive to do.

-I need bi-focals to see tiny things now. How on earth do women paint their toe nails? They are so far away I can hardly see them, let alone get the polish on without covering each toe as well!

-What on earth will become of me if Mike dies? I have no job skills or training. I'm still recovering from back surgery and holding down a job would be nearly impossible. Who would hire me anyway when there are so many young people in need of work? To be honest, I think about this frequently. I don't want to live with my newlywed sons. I don't want to be a burden to them financially. I don't want to have to depend on them....

-Why do we seem to be running out of spoons? Not forks. Not knives. Just spoons. Where on earth are they going?

-Should I go back to school once Barrett is a little older? If so, what's a good career for a woman of a certain age to go into?

-Every single year, for the last many, I've had 1 new year's resolution. One. Only 1. My goal for each year has been to send out birthday cards and thank you notes on time. Every single year I fail. It's not that I don't love people, or don't have a thankful heart. Why do I do this?

-Why is it that nearly every man I know seems a bit sad? A bit lost. You can still see a little boy hiding in there and he feels overwhelmed.

-Why don't shins have more padding on them?

-Do we ever have only ONE motive for anything we do?

-Why are most dinner plates round?

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