(Thanks to Rachel, I changed the name of this post....)
Yesterday morning I woke up and just couldn't get out of bed. Barrett was cuddling with me. It was still dark outside. I was toasty warm. I was comfortable. My shoulder didn't ache. My knees didn't hurt. My back didn't ache. I felt good.
I started thinking about what a great way that would be to die. Just to lay there, warm, cozy, and comfortable, until I leave this body.
That cheerful thought led me to imagining my men/boys around me as I go. What would they really say and do if I were leaving this body?
(I can't imagine leaving Barrett yet, so I'm going to leave him out of this.)
Mike would quietly, patiently sit by my side, praying for me and our sons.
Benjamin would say, "Mom, quit crying. We'll be there soon. Dying is just a part of living. Get over it..." And then he'd pick up the latest book he's reading on philosophy, one that would be way over my head on a good day, read it out loud to my shriveling brain cells, and literally bore me to death.
James would sweetly hold my hand and tell me stories about his day.
Alec would come up with some wild, sarcastic comments like, "Gee mom. You don't look half bad for a woman who's half dead!" I'd start laughing and get well.
What I hope they would do is this:
I'd like Mike to sit and quietly read the bible out loud to me.
I'd like James and Mike to come and serenade my going with their gentle, soft guitar playing.
Benjamin should come and preach truth to me. Seriously. I need it.
Alec can come and just be himself. He makes me laugh and laughing would be the perfect way to go.
I also want Mike to kiss me sweetly on the lips. (Provided I don't have something contagious.)
On most days Benjamin and James kiss me on the head as they rush out the door. I love and treasure those kisses and I hope I get some on my head as I leave them for a change..
And of course, I want Alec's hugs. They nurture the mom in me.
After all that, I want them to set up a card table in the corner and play cards. I love, love, love to listen to my guys tease each other and banter, pick on each other, preach at each other, laugh at and with each other, and talk together.
Yep. That would be the way to go.