January 3, 2012

A Sentimental Fool...Or not

Do you think I'm too sentimental? Do I look back too much? Remember too much? Is it foolish to spend so much time looking back? I mean, really...if you look at the things I write about, most of it is memories.

My house is decorated with memories and sentimental things that have been given to us or made by our sons. (Of course, money, or a lack of it, may have something to do with the way I decorate, but I'm not sure.)

Even the jewelry I wear I wear for sentimental reasons. Other than my wedding ring, I have 3 pieces of jewelry that go with me pretty much every time I step out the door. One of those is a spoon ring. My brother had it made for me from one of my mom's spoons. I wrote about that before so I won't go into it now, but I'd be so disappointed if I lost it. Not only is it beautiful, the ring attaches me to my family, and cheerios and laughing with my brothers over a huge bowl of pasta...it's a rope from here to who I was and where I began.

I also wear a most hideous watch when I leave the house. It's really not that bad, but it is most definitely a man's watch. I put a dainty little black band on it to try and make it a tish more feminine, but I'm afraid that really didn't help. What? Oh. You want to know where it came from? It was my husband's watch in high school. And, it was the watch he wore the year we met. We met at a small private school in the very middle of Nowhere, Wisconsin. My husband didn't have a car, a job, or any money, (and we weren't allowed to date at the school anyway) so we walked; every single evening we walked. That watch went with us and reminded us of our curfew. We joked about smashing the thing, or letting a car run over it so we could conveniently forget the curfew and just keep walking, but we never actually did that. (obviously)

And then you have my necklace.... I'm almost afraid to tell you about that.... I have a love/hate relationship with it, but love has won the battle and I wear it.

The necklace is a piece of jewelry my other brother gave me. Like the spoon, it belonged to my mom, but it too has been altered from it's original state. (For which I'm truly thankful. I wouldn't wear it otherwise and you'll see why in a moment.)

I don't know how to soften this, or make it less morbid, if that's the correct word... I guess I'll just come out with it and see what you think. The necklace is a little circle of gold with Long's Peak engraved in the center. The gold the necklace is made from came from the dentures my mom wore. It weighed them down and kept them centered in her mouth.

Whew. Feels good to have that out in the open. Are you thoroughly disgusted? And now you want to know why I wear it? Three reasons:

1. Long's Peak. I love that mountain and the little Colorado town it stands guard over. We got married with that mountain peeping in the church window. Our first son was born at that mountain's feet and, I learned a lot about life and living alone and how wicked and lazy I can be while that mountain silently looked on.

2. My big brother gave it to me and I love and respect him so much. We have the same warped sense of humor and laugh at things like wearing necklaces made from someones dentures.

3. It reminds me of my mom and her mouth and the hurts she inflicted with it and the healing the Lord has done and is doing...so, so much of who I am comes from her words which came out of her mouth from between the teeth that were weighed down by the gold that I wear around my neck. Sadness and joy and hope and healing are in that gold....

I wish mom could have known the healing Jesus brings. She was a hurting little girl and needed Him so badly. And I'm so thankful to Him for bringing that healing to me...

It's a very heavy, very light necklace. A very important necklace.

I guess, when all's said and done, I don't mind being sentimental and looking back. The bible is full of God telling people to look back. He wanted them to remember what He'd done for them. He wanted them to remember His faithfulness and learn from their mistakes. I guess looking back isn't foolishness at all. Living there would be, but just peaking now and then? I don't mind that at all.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.