February 2, 2008

Marriage Matters- Part 1

A few months ago a friend of mine asked me if I was ever going to write about our marriage problems. I've been thinking about that question ever since.
We are well into our twenty fourth year of marriage and I guess we have had our share of problems. I am not going to discuss the 2 that marriage experts say are the main causes of stress in every marriage. You know what I'm talking about.
(sse....cough..... and mmon..splutter, cough) Those 2 issues are things Mike and I will only discuss with our probation officers and our psychiatrists. *

So, moving on. Strangely enough, we have discovered other areas of our relationship that weren't perfect. We thought, on our absolutely wonderful, romantic, smooth-sailing-saying-your-vows day that our marriage would run pretty much along the same course as the wedding day itself. However, 24 hours after Mike said, "I do.", he was probably saying, "What on earth have I done?"
I blubbered my way through the first day of our honeymoon. So far I'm the only female I know who has done that. By the following day I had regrouped. Things progressed nicely from there and for the next few years there was peace in our valley. The Lord used Mike to bring huge amounts of stability and healing to my wounded heart.

I grew up in a very unstable atmosphere.

-My parents divorced when I was 7.

-Our country was experiencing horrendous change. (60's and 70's) America was changing politically, morally, and spiritually.

-2 of my brothers went marching down the hippie trail-drugs, Eastern religions, etc.

-One of my brothers died in a motorcycle/car crash when I was 12.

-Schools were experimenting with how to educate kids. "New math", open classrooms, etc. etc. That means if you were not a "motivated" student, it was very easy to get lost in the system and not learn a thing.

-My mom was a Real Estate agent, but not really. I think all in all she only sold 1 1/2 houses. As a result, money was something that I knew very little about.

- Visits with my dad were few and far between, and he had a new family he was trying to raise. I felt lost in the shuffle.

When I was old enough to start dreaming about marriage, I made a list of qualities I wanted in a husband and then proceeded to ask the Lord to please bring "him" along. In His time He did. Mike is solid and dependable. He's stable. He loves me unconditionally. He's funny and sweet. He is quiet and safe and gentle. He is my best friend and everything I never experienced growing up.

But then, one dark and stormy night.........

(*This is a joke. While Mike and I may have contemplated murdering one another, we've never actually attempted it. And, the closest we've ever come to employing a psychiatrist was when our boys hit puberty - and that was for them. )


  1. Love it! Let's see...what shall we call your soap opera?? I'm proud of you for taking the leap... you know what I mean.

  2. Hi Jan,
    Thanks for visiting my blog. I am a midlifer too, 46 going to be 47 in the fall, but my youngest is 14.
    I enjoyed visting your blog. This post was good.

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  4. Wow, your posts are digging deep. Bravo for being so brave!!

  5. Hey girl!

    We gotta get together for coffee soon. How does Saturday morning look for you?

    I agree that it is neat that you're blogging about real issues so honestly. You go girl!

  6. I'm not a girl. Should I be reading this?

  7. I think we all have our issues to overcome and I think it usually helps to talk about them - even though its so hard to do sometimes. Thanks for your openness. I want to know what happens after "one dark and stormy night"....


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