February 13, 2008

Marriage Matters Part 3

Well, Good Morning! I'm not at all sure what kind of writing this will be. Our 2 older sons kept us up until 11pm talking and laughing and our youngest woke me up this morning at 4:30 sounding croupy. At this point I am feeling "woozy"!

However, I would like to try and write something today. Just bear with me, OK?
The article my friend showed me was truly stunning. At least to me it was, and here's why. I think the author has at some point spent considerable time with Mike. She knew him better than I did. She wrote all about him! Described him to a "T". I just couldn't believe it!

(Before I go on I'll give you some info about the article. It was an excerpt from a book called Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl. Have any of you read that book? If so, then you'll know what I'm going to say. I have not read the entire book-just this excerpt.)

I think what I'll do is very loosely paraphrase a bit of the article and then tell you to go beg, borrow, or steal a copy of the book and read what Debi actually says.

The article starts by saying that there are basically 3 types of men:

-Mr. Command Man
-Mr. Visionary
-Mr. Steady

They all have strengths that mirror God's character.

Mr. Command Man: They are born leaders. Military commanders, politicians, preachers, heads of corporations and managers of businesses. He sees the bigger picture and strives to help the greatest number regardless of the cost.

Mr. Visionary: Debi's description of this kind of guy was funny so I'm going to copy the first bit completely-Some of you are married to men who are movers and shakers, changers, and dreamers. These men get the entire family upset about peripheral issues, such as: Do we believe in Christmas, should we use state marriage licenses, why a Christian should opt out of the Social Security System etc....these men have tunnel vision...they will easily pick up and relocate without any idea of what they are going to do for a living at their new location.
This kind of man might be an inventor, street preacher or a political activist. He's spontaneous. He may be consumed with a need to communicate through music, writing, voice, or actions. He knows how to do nearly everything and is readily willing to advise others.

Mr. Steady: This is who I'm married to. Caring, faithful, avoids controversy. A servant. Wise. Gentle and thoughtful.
He's the guy who will quietly raise his family, content to let his wife do it her way. He will give his wife a sense of peace and safety. Debi said that there are more "Mr. Steadys" than there are any other type of man.

The article goes into way more detail on the strengths and weaknesses each type of man has and talks about the blessings and trials of being married to any one of them. It is a 17 page article and needless to say I haven't gone into a whole lot of detail. The encouraging thing was seeing that Mike was "normal". The convicting thing for me was seeing that all of his strengths were the things I'd been praying for in husband-I'd just started taking him for granted. Debi even talks about the frustrations and reactions a wife might have being married to any one of these types and what her attitude should be in order to love and support her particular husband.
I saw myself in the article too. As I read it I realized I mirrored every mistake and bad attitude a wife can have in regard to her spouse. The Lord used it to teach me so much about Mike and who he is, as well as renewing an appreciation for all of his many strengths. It really helped me see the "uglies" in my heart and showed me that I'm not the only one in our marriage who has needs.
I should also add that I have a very hard head. Reading the article did not revolutionize our marriage. I sometimes forget what I read and start to get annoyed and frustrated with Mike and pick up my blankety-blank attitude all over again. I keep the article in my bible and when I notice I'm slipping back into confusion over who I'm married to, or I feel a lack of respect toward him I go back and read it again. It helps every single time. It was/is wonderful to have Mike explained. :-)

If you don't want to buy, borrow, beg or steal a copy of the book I would be more than happy to do any one of the following:

-Write more info here

-Make a copy of the article and mail it to you for FREE!

-Get together and discuss it over coffee. (Especially if you live in the Bahamas)

-If you don't like any of those options I know how to email too! :-)


  1. I'm married to a steady, too, and as I read through the other types, I was relieved that God chose a steady to be my mate.
    Good post!

  2. I'm sure Mr.Command Man is very exciting upon meeting him. Attractive, strong, powerful, etc. Mr. Visionary would have me running for the hills immediately! I'd gladly take my Mr. Steady anyday. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I appreciate him all the more now.

  3. I'm married to a cross between Mr. Steady and Mr. Visionary. A few friends and I did a study on that book over the summer. We didn't quite make it through the whole book because there was so much to cover and not enough summer! I wish we didn't lose that feeling of understanding our man and his needs and how we can best take care of him. Its so easy to slip back into selfish thoughts and selfish actions closely follow selfish thoughts. I'm am often guilty of serving him out of duty instead of caring for him out of love. I get caught up in wanting to "fix" him when I should really be trying to change my own heart instead.

  4. Now, in all fairness, you have to relate the explanation of women that I gave you last night ;-)

    Love you,

  5. denise-you took the words right out of my mouth!

    wani-I know what you mean-I do the same thing. Right now I'm tottering on the fence between wanting to fix him and just being so very thankful for him. That's one of the problems of being married to a Mr. Steady. He never points the finger back at me when I point mine at him. It makes it easy to just point, point, point. While I do like being loved so unconditionally, and I wouldn't like it if he were trying to change me, I would like some help with boundaries. If he would point back or yell or something that would mean he was holding me accountable. Does that make sense?
    Maybe we should pray for each other when we're in a "fix him" mood.

  6. YES! He's so unconditional in his love for me that it just makes me feel all the more guilty when I have my days when I get frustrated at him! I agree - when we're having bad days we should just shoot eachother an email and ask for prayer in that area - its always nice to have someone who understands what you're going through!
    And I want to hear Ben's explanation of women!

  7. Judy, Judy, Judy....I JUST figured out how to post to a blog! Yippee! I LOVE the "Created to be his helpmeet" book! I've read it at least 3 times and passed out several copies!!! I would love to together to discuss! Forget "Oprah" and her book club, we should start a book club and have "Created to be his helpmeet" our first read. By the way, do you still have the copy of the one I gave you? Just wondering. Anyway, the book was VERY helpful to me. I can't tell you how many times, I said "Amen" while reading it. It also convicted me of some of my sinful ways. To me, the book just felt right. Here is a few of my favorite lines from the book ....

    "It is important for a woman to understand that she must be feminine (devoid of dominance and control) in order for her man to view her as his exact counterpart, and thus willingly respond to her protectively, with love and gentleness"

    "A man cannot cherish a strong woman who expresses her displeasure in him"

    "The home front should not be a spiritual battlefield; it should be the place where a man relaxes and can be vulnerable with the woman he cherishes"

    Good stuff.... again GREAT book!!! Now WHEN can we get together to chit chat patty wack :)?

  8. Wow, I don't see Rog in any of these three. I guess he's more of a Mr. Steady than anything else though.

  9. I'm definitely married to a Mr. Visionary, but not in the ways it describes...I would like to read more about it!

  10. Thanks for that, Miss Sniz. I didn't see myself as any of those descriptions, either. However, I thought Wani was right on with her combo Mr. Steady / Mr. Visionary description of her husband. And I also thought that applied to me a little. We can call it, "Mr. Steady Vision."

    Honestly, I don't get too excited about being lumped into one of three categories or personality types or love languages or shoe sized (oh, wait...I guess that one is ok).

  11. BTW, I LOVE the new header. The person who made it must be really talented!! (wink, wink)


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