August 23, 2011

A Very Good Gift

I just recently came across an interesting article written for scrapbookers. Rather than page layouts, this article had a long list of journal prompts designed to help people give not only beauty, but character to their scrapbooks.

One of the questions or prompts was: What was the most memorable gift you've been given this year?

For me I would most definitely, without a doubt, no need to even think about it, have to say Grace.

I've had a friendship with God for most of my life. He became my father, my friend and my Savior when I was 13. The only thing is, I didn't think I needed saving at the time. I'd never done drugs. I'd never slept around. I'd never murdered anyone. I was a good girl. Nope, the reason I gave Him my heart was a childish act of selfishness. I wanted Him to Deliver.

1. I wanted my parents back together

2. I wanted friends

3. I wanted to be thin

Nobody else in my life had the power to fulfill those wishes so I decided to give God a try.

Over the years I began to see that I'm not the good girl I imagined. My heart is absolutely full of uglies. My mouth, my motives, my thoughts, and sometimes my actions are most certainly in need of saving.

But, until this year, (I'm ashamed to say) I'd only skimmed the surface of being honest with God about those uglies. I don't think I really trusted the depth of His love, His patience and His compassion until now. I was afraid that if I were completely honest with Him about some of the disgusting things that go on in me the earth would open up, swallow me, and I'd be erased from time.

This year, however, I've put God's tender heart to the test and found Him to be Amazing.

The bible says:
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:14-16

Please, please go back and read those verses again, slowly. He has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet He did not sin. Let us approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Lately I've begun to talk to God about those ugly things in my life. I've been completely honest with Him and laid bare my heart. The first time I told Him what was going on I was positive this is it. It's over now. I even took the time to point out those verses to Him:
You were tempted just like I am, but You didn't sin. Please help me. You promised in those verses that if I approach You I would receive mercy and grace to HELP. There's nothing there about hungry cracks in the ground, ok God?

Almost daily I've been going to Him with my ugly heart and those verses hand in hand. And daily He. Is. Delivering. I approached the throne of Grace without confidence and He still delivered. He has been merciful. He's been giving me wise advice and sweet, undeserved mercy every time I go to Him.

I'm so ashamed that's it's taken me 37 years to begin to see the depth of His character and I know (you don't need to say it) I'm only seeing a shadow of Him at present. I know this is going to sound hopelessly corny but for now this "shadow" is enough. It's about all I can take. Seeing His love in a new way....it's a very good gift....

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